2010

So 2010.

My New Years Resolution: To try and be happy.

I have a talent for hiding my emotions. I've perfected it. If you ever get to meet me, you'll always see me with a nice little smile on my face. Everyone thinks I'm the happiest person in the World. Happy go Lucky.

No true.

Maybe this year I will be happy? Please?

What's your NY resolutions?

X

Chicken or the Egg?

This is such an easy question to answer.

Think about the question for a second... The chicken. Or. The egg.

No one ever says: What came first, the chicken, or the chicken egg?

The egg appears as a stand alone object.

So, in answer to the question: The egg came first.

Eggs would have been on the Earth a long time before chickens, i.e. Dinosaur eggs, fish eggs.

Question answered.

X

One fine day...

One fine day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight,

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story’s true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

- Unknown -

Antigonish poem (The man who wasn't there)

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away...

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door...

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

- Hughes Mearns -

Natural beauty

My friend up in Barrow Alaska took this to show me. Don't you think it's actually beautiful?
How clean, peaceful and natural does that look?
Amazing!

Beautiful pictures.

Lucifer's departure from the Heavens

Lucifer cast out by the Angels

Is this wrong?

"UM, Boss, is this wrong? Feels wrong, boss. Boss?"

Oooooft

"Oh yes! I still have it!!"

My role. . .

So we all have our little traditions when we decorate the house, yeah? Mine is generally moaning after saying how much it doesn't look nice and Christmassy as the houses, trees, etc, on the TV. Yes, big deal!

Well, my other role, which I consider my main role, and I will be angry if anyone else does this, is. . . placing the Fairy on top the Christmas tree. :)

The Fairy, who is OMG so gorgeous (!) is nearly 16 years old! I bought her myself, with money my Nanny had given me, from B&Q (she was £20!).

She is so stunning, in a big gold dress, pearly Halo and just the looks of a Goddess.

I let everyone else (my mam) decorate the tree, the house and whatever else she feels needs to be tinseled to death, then I add the LAST and finishing touch by placing the gorgeous Fairy on her rightful place, head of the Household, atop the Christmas tree to watch over us all :)

X

How it all came about...

OK so someone asked me how I came to be this big fan of the incomparable Dolly Rebecca Parton. Here is the story:

I was 7 years old, sitting in the living room with my mother watching something or another on TV, probably Emmerdale or something, I'm pretty sure it was a Sunday actually.

Anyway, during a commercial break an advert came on promoting a Deluxe CD of 'Fifty Years of Country Music Greats', which didn't really interest me one little bit, I was 7 year old, Country Music didn't appeal to me (and I hadn't really heard a country song at that point).

So the advert promoted 10 second clips of various country singers, Willie Nelson, Kenny Rogers, Patsy Cline and then the last and final Country Icon was none other than Dolly Parton (it showed a clips of her from 1978). Well the 10 second clip of her was from this segment:



And it showed her descending down the stairs in her pink frock singing 'Here You Come Again'. Like I said, only 10 seconds of each celebrity, but when she was on it seemed like a lifetime.

At about 6 seconds of her claim to fame on the CD I turned to my mother and said, "Mam, is she an Angel? She's so beautiful. I'm going to marry her when I'm older, I am, Mam."

My mother brushed it off as a childhood crush, after all, Dolly was (and still is) very appealing to the male consensus, she's beautiful, blonde, buxom and her personality is radiant, shining down on everyone lighting up the darkest days.

So, that was the end of the 'mysterious woman' that I had seen on the TV. I hadn't asked her name, I didn't need to, I just know that I loved her.

12 years old, starting Secondary School, the bus journey was filled with this infectious laugh and voice that I knew I had heard somewhere before. The presenter announced that 'Dolly' was his all time favourite singer and 'Here You Come Again' was his favourite song, the woman, Dolly, humoured the guy and sang a small segment of her famous song and then I remembered that she was the woman from the TV all them years ago.

With the Internet I was able to Google her and listen to her via Youtube, I had finally found her - much to my mother's annoyance. A boy of 12 years old liking Dolly Parton... could only mean one thing... But it really didn't, I liked her for her, not because she was some campy, gay icon, I wasn't gay, so that didn't even come to mind.

20 years old, yes, I'm 20 right this second, and I still love the woman!

But why do I like her? Her looks? Her music? Why?

Well, the main reason I liked her was because she stood out to me, she was different - and she didn't care that she was different. I could compare myself to her (not that I had/have 40DD breasts or wear big blonde wigs), I could see she was a social misfit, and I guess I was/am too, but she didn't care, and neither do I!

So yeah, that's the story of how I came to love the Legend that is Dolly Parton.

X

I don't take no punk off nobody!

Why an Angel?

OK, so Santa was stressed this particular year. He had under paid all the ickle Elves, which resulted in a mass strike, forcing Saint Nick to make the presents all on his own. Nightmare!

So Santa made all the presents and headed out to deliver them, BUT, Prancer was sick, so he had to make to with one reindeer down on his sleigh, which caused the whole delivery process to take longer than usual - this didn't help Santa's temper.

Finally he made it home, 9 hours later, and slumped himself into the plush chair in his cookie smelling house. His wife, Mrs Claus, asked him to keep an eye on the pie in the oven while she nipped to the local Happy Shopper store. While she was gone, the jolly fat git fell asleep! The pie burned! On her return, Mrs Santa was not amused and the two had a fierce argument.

Santa was now in a foul mood.

Like a weird twist of fate, there was a knock at the door, the angry bearded man went to see who it was. As she did every year, the Angel of Christmas was standing at the door with a Christmas tree in her hand; "Where shall I put it this year, Santa?" She asked. The furious old guy grabbed the Angel and the tree and bellowed, "I'll tell you where to put it!!"

This is why nowadays we put the Angel on top of the Christmas tree. Because... well, Santa told her to shove it up her arse!

X

To all my friends, Merry Christmas!

Here is a Christmas gift for you all! With love, Davy xx

Disclaimer: Gift not included, only tag. (Maybe it got lost in the post... That or I didn't send it.)

What a .....

TWAT

Carrie Underwood All Star Celebrity something or other...

OK just so you all know, I can't abare Carrie Underwood. Pretty girl, sure, but she's tuneless - as you will see from the live clip in just a minute. She goes around being Uncountry yet labelling herself as a Country artist (much like the talentless Taylor Swift).

Alright, listen for the out of tune shit that Carrie brings to the song:


Alright, so I like Dolly Parton, but even I will admit she's shaky and rubbish at times (when she's live). BUT, the woman is knocking on 63 years old, doesn't brag herself up to be the Messiah of Country Music (which I think she's far from nowdays, she's more Country-pop or Hillbilly dance lol). But she gives her best, which is always 110% and always sounds amazing and looks gorgeous. [Note the one liners from Mrs Parton. Queen of the One Liners]

As we see in the next clip:


I have to note also, Kristin Chenoweth is so effing kewt! Watch her here:

Bringing back the old.

I've noticed with a lot of celebrities that they are 'bringing back the old', in which I mean they are borrowing the image of a past celebrity and passing it off as their own unique style. Here's a few examples:

Amy Winehouse

Ronnie Spector (middle one)

See the similarities? Of course you do! Eyes, beehive, it's like a past memory Amy! Here's another:

Dolly Parton Vs Pamela Anderson.

I'm sure you can see the similarities... big hair, big boobs, little waist.

Bringing back the old.

Don't eat me!!

You all probably know my real name is Davy, so I thought I'd add this here for you laughs.

Enjoy!

X

The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb

One day, Mamma said, "Conrad dear,
I must go out and leave you here.
But mind now, Conrad, what I say,
Don't suck your thumb while I'm away.
The great tall tailor always comes
To little boys that suck their thumbs.
And ere they dream what he's about
He takes his great sharp scissors
And cuts their thumbs clean off, - and then
You know, they never grow again."

Mamma had scarcely turn'd her back,
The thumb was in, alack! alack!

The door flew open, in he ran,
The great, long, red-legged scissorman.
Oh! children, see! the tailor's come
And caught our little Suck-a-Thumb.

Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb."

***********

This story is from a CHILDREN's book! Hardly child friendly is it? The deeper and darker facts of the book can be seen if you look into the stories as a whole. They are really trying to conform the German children to how the adults thought children should act. Not surprising for the German eh?

Check out the other stories if you're interested (but this one above is my favourite). Also, it has been said that the above story of Little Conrad Suck-a-Thumb is really about masturbation.

Think about it ;)

Struwwelpeterby Heinrich Hoffmann

http://www.fln.vcu.edu/struwwel/struwwel.html

The Truth Behind...

...The Royal Octopus.


OK so a lot of you have been asking me about the title I take for a lot of things, The Royal Octopus, and how it came about etc.

Well fuck you, stop being so nosey! ;) Just kidding.

Right. Well, there isn't much of a story in it really... It caught on from when I was in Egypt. As some of you know, I love Egypt and her people, and I've been several times. But on this once specific occasion, on the Nile Cruise, we offed ship and took a wander around etc. Well I decided to go off alone. I ended up by this posh looking cruiser, so I had a look around and got caught.

The man who lived, or owned, the cruise boat thing, didn't seem to mind and even showed me around. It was well lush. So posh. Well in the middle of his living room he had a tank, and in the tank was this queer looking Octopus.



The Octopus, which wasn't named, was a Blue Ringed Octopus, and on top of it's head it bore a crown like shape. So, the idea of a Royal Octopus sprung to my silly little mind. You see?

Since then, I have used the alias on countless occasions for websites etc.

Anyone want to buy me an Octopus?

X

Roma Romahahaa! Gaga Ohlalaa!

OK! So the Queen of Weird was on the XFactor giving her debut with her lush single 'Bad Romance'. I have to say, I was a massive Gaga hater! Especially after she said she was the Dolly Parton of the modern music industry. BUT, against all my better judgement I have warmed to the little weirdo.

Bad Romance, the song she sang on the XFactor has to be my favourite song of 2009. Oh yes, I said it. I freakin' love it.

Here she is singing Bad Romance live:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXue9OVSRrs&feature=related

OK she she wasn't AMAZING live, but give the girl her dues, she actually sung live! (In your face Cheryl Cole, Janet Jackson and Whitney 'Druggie' Houston!!)

Good ol' Gaga ;)

The Babs

Is it just me or does anyone else notice how fuckin' rude Babs Walters is to some people she interviews? And if she isn't FULL ON rude to them, she's sarky, arrogant and a plain cold shouldered bitch. Noticed?

If you haven't, watch her when she interviews Dolly Parton, Sarah Palin, Bonnie Hunt, the McCains and Glenn Beck. No doubt there are loads more, but they were the ones I could of off the top of my sweet lil' 'ol head.

She's been in the business for far too long if you ask me, someone needs to switch off her life support machine... or at least stop the hag from seeing cosmetic surgeons!

I think she has a tie on the back of her head... she cranks it up and her face gets tighter ;)

Buhbye Oprah!

Anyone else pleased to see her hauling her ass back to Mississippi? I am. Bitch pokes her nose into anything and everythign. *Coughs* Obama *Coughs* Oh yes, I'm not afraid to admit it! It was this interferer that helped Obama up onto his 'Messiah' complex and roped in a lot of his votes.

Buhbye bitch.

Oh, are you pregnant? Or just weirdly fat?

Obviously this woman is having a litter in a tray under the stairs... Meeeeow!

Gorgeous women

I thought I would compose a sort of BlogArtWall of all the women I think are gorgeous, inside and out. Here they are:

#1 Dolly Parton

#2 Morgan Fairchild
#3 Former Governor Sarah Palin

4# Marilyn Monroe

5# Dannii Minogue
Obviously this list isn't complete, or necessarily in rank order (except that Dolly Parton comes first always because she is the most gorgeous woman in the WORLD). I will probably update this at a later date, adding more and more gorgeous women of the World to the list.

X

The Assassination of Marilyn Monroe

I have included some very interesting clips from youtube which featured in a documentary the other week. I have also read the book on this conspiracy. I believe she was murdered. What do you think?

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Part 5


Part 6

Man's best friend?

Nightmares: The Chessboard

So this is one of my most disturbing and scary - although it may not seem it to the reader, believe me, this one scares me to death.

Again I fall asleep etc...

When I wake up (inside the nightmare) I'm falling through darkness. When I stop, I realise what I'm standing on. A chessboard - or that's what it looks like anyway.

From the darkness in the right hand corner I can hear mumbling, but the mumbling turns into a high pitch scream, whoever is trying to talk to me has an ultra high pitch frequency voice.

I try to leave, but the high pitched noise gets only worse. So I stand still, the noise stops. It takes me at least 4 attempts to leave until I realise that I cannot move without the screamer attacking my eardrums.

I eventually have to run, just to get out, I feel trapped. So as I run I can see the shadows following me, inside them are things, I can't see them but I know they are there and they ARE coming for me. As I run fast the louder the high pitched noise gets until my ears begin to bleed.

I wake up.

At least 3 times I have woken up to a bleeding nose after this dream.

Nightmares: The Farm

So this is another invitation into my warped and probably clinically insane mind:

The Farm:

So again I just fall asleep... Zzzzz. BAM. Dreamland, or Nightmare land.

I'm in a car, actually it's a Red Range Rover, as shown below:


So I'm in the passenger seat of this vehicle, I can't see the driver, he's (or a possible she) is hidden with the shadows. It's the middle of the day though, but the shadows are hellish dark.

We finally come to a small farm road, or farm lane, muddy, dark, tree covered and narrow. As we go along the road I don't ask where we're going, so to me I thought I must trust this person... not sure though.

We come to a dip in the road, as we mow through the lane, the dip isn't a dip, it's a sunk bridge... The bridge has collapsed into the dried up river and has left just a debris path for the range rover to travel over. But it has been raining, the river is awake and full, so the range rover struggles through the water to the other side.



The pic above shows what I just described... somewhat anyway.

So we've passed all that... now we stop. The driver gets out and come to open my door for me to get out, which I do without a question asked. The still shadowed figure then points to an old, derelict farmhouse. I must go inside...? So I do. The driver waits by the car.

At the farmhouse entrance there is a grand old door, smells of sawdust, damp and rot. But I still go in... Inside is just as bad as the exterior. Derelict.



I feel at home though, strange yeah? But I feel comfortable.

Coming to the end of the dream now, I hear the Range Rover leave... I'm alone. I sit, cross legged in the middle of the could be living room of the farm, looking out of the fallen down wall, across the wet and mucky courtyard. I close my eyes and smile, then I wake up...

Any suggestions?

Nightmares: The veiled Lady

Welcome to Davy's nightmares 101. In this blog I will be venting all my frustration, confusion and upset over the various dreams I have been having for the past 5 years.


The veiled Lady

So the Lady all veiled in black. I realise this may be a cliche with a lot of horror movies or theatre acts such as "The Woman in Black" but trust me, these things haven't played a part in making me dream of this mysterious gal.

The nightmare:

Okay, so I've fallen asleep, I'm sleeping... Zzzzz. Nothing out of the ordinary no? Exactly. Until I am awaken by someone pressing down on my bed, someone is sitting down... When I open my eyes there she is, the veiled Lady in Black. I can't see her face, just her lips, the veil is too dark to see the rest of her face so I have no idea who she is. She wears a lovely shade of purple lipstick, and she smells of peppermint. Even after I wake I can smell her peppermint aroma filling my bedroom.

Another thing that is noticeable about her, is that although she wears a black gown (everything black actually) her handkerchief is white lace.

So back to the dream...

She weeps. Constantly. If I try to talk to her to console her she will stop weeping but never make eye contact, if I try to position myself to see her face she'll turn or look down. If I touch her arm (as you do to console someone) she'll again stop crying. But then begins to cry again.

She doesn't or won't talk. I think she's weeping over a death but I'm not sure. One night I stayed up all night with her, sitting next to her with my arm around her, trying to console her. But she always leaves before I wake up, reaching out, stroking my fave with her black glove and... just leaves, still weeping as she vanishes through the door.

I once tried to follow her but I wake up as I reach the stairs.

Anyone have any sort of explanation?

A book for bed

Sarah Palin

If I was asked to describe such an incredible woman in few words I would have to say the following.

Sarah Palin: Energetic, enigmatic, popular, and polarizing public figure. No other politician on either side of the pond has such a loyal base of support.

So the woman isn't a Saint, Perfect or Einstein. But she's pretty darn awesome!

With quick wit, folksy accent and an amazingly loyal family base behind her, Sarah Palin is living the American dream.


The woman was bashed hard during the Campaign for Presidency for the United States, and unfairly attacked by the media and apposing campaign. The opposing campaign leader, Barrack Obama, quite rightly told the media that his children were off limits to media attacks. Palin, being friendly, fair and maybe a little naive, took it in her stride and didn't address the media in such a way, leaving the door open for vicious, vulgar and unfair attacks.

The Palin name was dragged through the muck, but still she soldiered on with that priceless smile and trademark wink ;)

The Republicans were defeated. I think everyone saw this coming. America wanted CHANGE, and what's more change from the run of the mill White President? A Black one, of course.

EVEN after the campaign ended, Palin and her family were STILL scrutinised and attacked by the media. I think this made up her mind about stepping down from the Governor's chair in Alaska.

Now, whoever said this woman was a moron was well off the mark. Since being out of office, Palin has written her memoirs, spoken in Hong Kong, visited various states to deliver speeches... anyone else hear the KA-CHING sound?

Whatever the future hold for Sarah Palin, I wish her all the best. Someday we may even be calling her Mrs President.

God Bless!

My life as a piece of art:

How gorgeous is Marilyn Monroe?

Surname mixup?

So Gordon Brown is coming under fire again this week. This time it’s for cocking up in his letter correspondents.

Gordon Brown, this fine Country’s Prime Minister (you know, the man who is having sleepless night worrying about recessions, war and other huge things that are waiting to impact our Country) has done a terrible crime and spelled a fallen soldier’s surname wrong when writing to portray his condolences to the family.

The Prime Minister wrote to Guardsman Jamie Janes’ mother to say how sorry he was that her son died in Iraq etc. Which to be honest, was amazing on his behalf, considering he has a million other things to be worrying about.

But let’s be real, the PM probably didn’t even write it. He has people to this for him. So for Mrs Janes to fire at the PM like she did. . . I think it is damned right unacceptable.

Granted the woman is upset, she has a right to be. But she cannot blame anyone for her son’s death, he joined up to the armed forces with his own free will.

Gordon Brown personally phoned Mrs Janes to apologise for the mishap, which again was bloody amazing on his behalf. She accepted (which she bloody well ought to have done!)

Like I said, Gordon Brown has a million things to worry about, yes it’s sad that the boy died, and countless other have died too. But Mr Brown doesn’t need frantic mother’s charging at him for spelling the family surname wrong.

I think this was a complete shambles and the Sun paper should be ashamed of themselves for printing the shit that they did.

Everybody lies

If you have just read that title and are thinking: 'No I do not!' Then uh, oh! You are lying to yourself right this second!

STOP LYING!

According to a new survey by a British beverage firm, each of us will tell an average total of 88,000 lies over the course of our lives. How shocking is that, huh? That's like 1,460 untruths a year or more than four in every day of an average, 60-year adult lifetime.

Pretty shocking, no?

Well let's look at this objectively.

Adults, yes, us adults are the worse for lying. Well, parents more so than just branding all adults BARE FACED LIERS!

#1. Yes, Santa Claus does exist. Okay, who sees the lie here? Can anyone pick it out? Oh, there it is, Father Christmas, the man who watches your children all year round then decides if they have been good enough to lavish them with gifts (the whole concept is really paedophilic if you ask me.).

#2. The things that go bump in the night? They won’t hurt you. Again, bare faced lie. Why try to protect them from things you know could potentially hurt them? Throw your children into the pile of glass and warn them about the ugly world as soon as possible – it’s really the best way to protect them.

#3. No, your ass doesn’t look fat. Uh, oh. How many husbands/boyfriends or Lesbian lovers haven’t used this little lie? Exactly, we’ve all done it one time or another. Be honest, people really do appreciate honesty. You don’t want to come back from a party and have the argument back home with the Mrs about how the whole party was looking how fat she looked. Especially after you told her she looked perfect. Be honest.

#4. The Toothfairy. Need I go into it? Why lie about such a stupid thing?

I have to admit though, as a person who finds people and their actions interesting, the best line (er, lie I mean) I have heard came from a machine. Here it is:

"Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line."

Which can, in fact, cost an hour or more of your time, not to mention money!! Important to you MY ASS!

I'm tired...

Yes, I'm tired.

For several years I have been blaming it on middle age, poor blood, lack of vitimins, air pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, yellow wax build up and a dozen other maladies that makes you wonder if life is really worth living!

But, I found out that my tiredness isn't to do with all that at all!

I'm tired becase I'm over-fucking-worked.

Let's think about it for a second.

The population of the country is 51 million.

21 million are retired, that leaves 30 milion to do the work.

There are 19 million in school, that leaves 11 million to do the work.

2 million are unemployed and 4 million are employed by the Government.

That leaves 5 million to do the work.

1 million are in the armed forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work.

3 million are employed by County Borough Councils, which leaves just 1 million to do the work.

There are 620,000 people in hospitals and 379,000 in prison.

That leaves just TWO people to do the work.

You and Me.

And you are sitting on your arse reading this, so there's no fucking wonder I'm tired!

The Plagues Debunked

In case you are not up on your Plagues of Egypt knowledge here is a brief summary:

Plagues List
Here are the Biblical passages on the individual plagues. Line references are to KJV Exodus.

1. Water to Blood
7:19 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of water, that they may become blood; and that there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in vessels of wood, and in vessels of stone.

2. Frogs
8:2 And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs:

8:3 And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneading troughs:

8:4 And the frogs shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants.

3. Gnats or Lice
8:16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.

4. Flies
8:21 Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.

5. Livestock Diseased
9:3 Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain.

6. Boils
9:8 And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.

9:9 And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.

7. Thunder and Hail
9:18 Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as hath not been in Egypt since the foundation thereof even until now.

8. Locusts
10:4 Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

10:5 And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field.

9. Darkness
10:21 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.

10:22 And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days

10. Death of the Firstborn
11:4 And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:

11:5 And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

---

OK, so that is what the Bible says. BUT, here is what science says what happened:

In 1400 B.C., a group of nervous Egyptians saw the Nile turn red. But what they thought was blood was actually an algae bloom which killed the fish, which prior to that had been living off the eggs of frogs. Those uneaten eggs turned into record numbers of baby frogs who subsequently fled to the land and died. Their little rotting frog bodies attracted lice and flies. The lice carried the bluetongue virus, which killed 70% of Egypt's livestock. The flies carried glanders, a bacterial infection which in humans causes boils. Soon afterwards, the Nile River Valley was hit with a three-day sandstorm otherwise known as the plague of darkness. During the sandstorm, intense heat can combine with an approaching cold front to create not only hail, but also electrical storms which would have looked to the ancient Egyptians like fire from the sky. The subsequent wind would have blown the Ethiopian locust population off course and right into downtown Cairo. Hail is wet, locusts leave droppings, spread both on grain and you have got mycotoxins. Dinnertime in ancient Egypt meant the first-born child got the biggest portion which in this case meant he ate the most toxins, so he died.


Interesting, no?

Ten plagues.

Ten scientific explanations.

I’ll leave you to believe what you wish.